Update

Well, there is some stuff going on my life now, and I would like to share it with you!

During the week, I got cyber school. It's hard to find motivation to actually DO the schoolwork. I wish I had someone who could encourage me.. I take British and World Literature and Chemistry. For some reason, Chemistry just goes over my head. I just can't comprehend what is being taught. School is just tough, but I gotta go out strong, because I'm a senior. There is NO way I'm repeating senior year. That would be embarrassing!

Also in life, I'm making a lot more Youtube videos. You probably knew that though ;) I feel like if I'm good at something, I should pursue it. They don't have classes for stuff like that ha. I also am still involved with music. Actually, I'm going to be playing guitar for this new church going on! It'll be on Saturday nights, and I was honorably asked to play guitar and sing. I'm going to do it :) You should visit some time! Yes, you! :) I plan on worshiping the Lord to the furthest extent that I can. All I've got. I'm not embarrassed to if people I know are there. I'm not going to act calm and restrained if you show up. What you see is what you get :)

Other than that, I really am just at home. Bored. I'm trying to connect to people, but it just seems like school, work, and other people block the reception. I LOVE Skyping people. I love it because even though they are so far away, they feel like they're right here with me :) I miss talking to my friends. I just seem out of touch with everything.. Hmm. Maybe going to ENC might help..

OH! I didn't tell you? That's so crazy! Yeah ha on Thursday, October 20th, I embark on going to Boston. I'm SO excited!! I'm visiting Eastern Nazarene College, and I have been waiting YEARS to go there! I can't wait to see people I already know, and meet new people along the way! :D I'm also getting my senior pictures done too! :) I'm so pumped! I hope they turn out nice!

Oh yeah.. College-wise, I really don't know what I'm going to do.. I've always wanted to go to ENC, but I don't know.. There are so many choices out there, and I'm just not sure.. I thought I was, but I was wrong ha.. The options I have are UPJ, ENC, and Grove City College. I just don't know. I know a very good man, named Jeff Lytle. He is a history teacher at a Christian school, and a father to a wonderful family. He told me that him and two of his kids went to Grove City, and they loved it. My mom works at UPJ, and that means I would get free tuition. ENC is really far away from everybody, and it's kind of expensive.. People always tell me that it's always so nice to be out of college, and to not have to pay anything off.. I realize this, but I don't want to go there just because I have an open door. If I feel led to go to UPJ, then I will. At this point I just don't know. I never will know what my future holds.

So God, please show me whichever way You want me to go. It's all in Your will.. I know you'll provide for whatever storms come my way, but this college one is a tsunami compared to the usual storms. Please guide me in the way that You want me to go.

Sincerely,
Canaan

Death

Death.

I never really took that much time to think about that word. When I think of death, it's not an extreme image in my mind. But as it's the end of September 11th, 2011, I decided to watch videos on YouTube. I wish I didn't.

People leaping from buildings: I wonder what they were thinking as they plummeted to their deaths.

The man on the phone: There was a man who called 911 while he was inside the building, when it was on fire. The lady who was talking with him was telling him "Everything is going to be okay" and she knew that it wasn't going to be. Later on, the man was describing what he was looking at, then you hear a boom, and a loud yell,

Then silence........

Another video that I shouldn't have clicked was this guy playing professional soccer. It was a long soccer game, and then he scored a goal. It was the only goal in that game. After he scored, he smiled, then bent over to get a breath. Then, while his back is facing the video camera, he falls backwards, and hits the ground. Dead. Just like *snap* that.

I wasn't really afraid of death until I got an understanding as to what it really looked like. I'm not afraid to die, it's how I'm going to die that scares me ha. Will it he quick? Will it be slow? Will the Lord come back, and I won't even have to worry? It's all in the Lord's will! The point I'm trying to get here is that death is something that will eventually happen to each and every one of us. When that day comes, where will I see you? Will I see that you went to hell, or will you be chilling with me and Jesus? The choice is literally and entirely up to you :)

Don't be afraid of death; let death be afraid of you. Tell death "I don't care if you take me away by a big nuclear bomb, or by a paper-cut! I'll be with my father, and I'll be the one who smiles in the end" :)

Woo!
Canaan

10 Years Later: Remembering 9/11/2001

I know that it's two days early, but I figured that I would just post this now. It's also 2:22 when I finally finish this in the morning, so remember that as well.

Wow, ten years it has been.. Time flies.. Tonight, I looked at over 200 pictures of that fateful day, and I see all the hurt that was there. All the death, pain, and sorrow that was afflicted into everyone's hearts. I remember I was 7 years old, second grade, and it was around lunch time when got the news. We were all sent home early. For me, my mom worked, so I went to my grandparent's house that doesn't live that far away from me. I was by myself in their living room, watching all of this happen. I just remember being so speechless. I have never seen anything tragic in the world before (anything I could comprehend anyway.) I feel horrible for all the people who had lost loved ones that day. The whole world had just stopped. People just in awe of what they are experiencing. I saw some photos tonight, and some people had signs like "Keep the Faith", "Hang In There", and one that really stuck out to me was "We Will Prevail" Hmm.. I'll tell you something, and hear me when I say this:

If more people in America would love more, America could do things that you couldn't even believe. 

I saw pictures of people at a college in Utah, and there were 10,000 people in one room praying for the people who were deeply effected by this catastrophic event. 10,000!! While that we being held, people were lining up outside the Red Cross, ready to donate their blood to those who were injured that day. MASS amounts of people praying, hugging, and showing compassion and love to other people. Who they didn't even know! I wish more people would have that kind of love today. I'm not saying "You guys need to love more, or else!" and I'm not being holier-than-thou. I know, sometimes even for me it's hard to show love towards people, who I don't necessarily like. I'm just saying (myself included) that we, as a church, need to reach out to those in need. Love one another, make amends with your enemies. John 15:12-14 (MSG) says this:

"This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you."

Food for thought as we near the 10th anniversary of September 11th.
Until next time,
Canaan

Woah, where has the time gone?!

Wow, wow, wow! I forgot I had this haha. So much has happened! Where to start?!  Well, I'm obviously older now. I'm 17 (soon to be 18) and God has just blessed me so much! This summer has just been amazing, especially one event. That event was NYC. NYC (not New York City ;) ) is a national youth convention where teens hang out, worship God, do projects, and listen to great speakers! It really opened my eyes, and my life has just been changed since. I feel as if God has just blessed me. I know I'm supposed to be involved in music, and also to reach out to the broken (maybe both at the same time!) And the Lord has convicted me of some things. At the last night of NYC, the leaders of our group washed our hands. This symbolized that the hands we have will be used for God, and to fulfill and further His kingdom. I still think about NYC to this day, and how I miss it. I will forever continue to think about that week.

The rest of the summer went great! I was barely home at all, which was nice :) I went to family camp, and that was awesome! After family camp, I went straight to New York for two weeks. I had an incredible time with Colleen, Bill, and (yes, even her) Amya. I played in the praise band at her church the two weekends I was there! Immediately after New York, I went to kids camp as a counselor. During kids camp, I hung out with Kayla, John, and Tucker at Eat 'n Park. It was aaaaaaaawesome! After that, I finally went home for a day, then left to hang out with Maddie Lytle for the weekend! She had her 16th birthday party, and it was INCREDIBLE! She had a tea party, and it was so rad! I have never been to a tea party before. And then on Sunday, I went to Maddie's church, and then went to a baptism at a person's house. It was so awesome to see people being baptized in a pool :) Then went mini golfing with her and her sister Julie, who is an amazing individual! She is so funny haha :D

But yeah, my summer has been great! I still have a little bit of summer left, but for the most part, it's over. I'm a senior this year! I am so excited to see what God is going to do through me this year, and for the rest of my life here on earth :)

Until next time,
Canaan

P.S. Hey Aurielle and Anjoli, text me sometime.

Do I really matter? (to some people) and some other things!

I haven't written a blog in a long time, and I have a lot to write about..

I have been thinking a lot, and I have been struggling with this thought in my head "Do I really matter to some of my friends?" I mean, it might seem a little farfeched, but it seems the older I get, the more I lose friends along the way.. I mean, some of my friends are busy, and I most definantly understand that, but sometimes, I just feel lonely. My greatest friends are either in college, or are far away (or in some cases, both!) I miss people, but do they miss me? I am not trying to make this blog a pity party for me, or anything, or trying to make people sorry for me. I just wish that I could do things so that I could see them. Things such as: Getting a job, getting a car, being able to get paid, and being able to visit the friends I always miss every day. I want to give them a hug, I want to tell them how my life is (Sometimes Facebook chat isn't the best for those kinds of conversations,) and I just want to spend time with them..

But I have noticed.. Does God ever feel the same way about me? Does he miss me, even though I am close to Him, but I, myself, am far away? I have indeed felt distant from God. I am not sure why, and it is very depressing. I'm having trouble praying and more than praying, reading the Bible. I wish I had a friend to talk to and them help me out, but to me, it feels like no one listens. That's how I feel sometimes.. Just a voice in the distance that people can hear, but they just ignore it.. Every time I update my Facebook status, it just feels like it's not that important, and very quickly, it is replaced by someone else's status, and before you know it, it is at the bottom of the page, just passed along, like another status. I want to feel closer to God. I know I love him soo much, but for some reason, Satan has been getting to me more and more. Every day I don't read the Bible, is an opportunity for Satan to get me not to read the Bible. Before you know it, bam. You haven't read the Bible for like a week, you feel distant from God, and you tell yourself that it's not a good ministry if you aren't practicing what you are professing..

I mean, there are some things that I even want to write on this blog, but I can't because I don't want people to be offended in any way (which I never mean to be!) I don't want anybody upset with me. You know what I mean? And yes, this is, yet again a long blog, which no one will probably read anyways, but it's a good way of getting my emotions out I guess.. I need help.. I need renewed. My heart, my spirit, my life.. I need someone to hold me and say "It will all be okay", but I feel like that's God's job haha

I also don't know who I am anymore. I remember last year, I was this nice guy who smiled and was crazy, but right now, I just don't feel the same. I am still nice, but I just feel like blah.. I also have been following the wrong example for a while. Ever since last year, a friend of mine has been portrayed to me as this cool cat who loved music, and he is, don't get me wrong, but I started hanging out with him, and I took after his example. That's where I messed up right there. You see, I should, and forever more will take after CHRIST'S example. When you take someone's example, who isn't Christ's, it gets tough. The reason being is because you think this friend of yours is really cool, and you believe in the same things, and it's all awesome, and then you learn something about them that you don't really understand, and you don't agree with it, you get this bitter taste in your mouth.. and then you try to get out of there, but it's too late. You crumble, and it's hard to get out of the friend's example, and start following Jesus's. Here is some advice: Follow Christ's example, He will always be there for you, and never let you down, ever!

To end this blog, I just need prayer, I need it a lot. I mean it.. If you want to talk to me, let me know.. I'll listen..

I think I should write a book with how long these blogs are,
Canaan