Hey followers! This will be my last blog post on this account :( But wait! There's good news! I have a new Blogspot account! The reason why is because I ditched the old email (canaan2red@yahoo.com), and made a new, updated (not so childish) email. Google is dumb and won't let me use my Blogspot account separately from my new Google account, so here it is. I'm not going to delete any posts, but just know that you should follow me overrrrr here!
http://canaanhess.blogspot.com
:D See you guys on the other side!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
OT Trolls (Part 2)
So, in 1 Kings Chapter 22, the king of Israel meets with the king of Judah (Jehoshaphat) about taking over Ramoth Gilead (a city).
The king of Israel is like "Ramoth Gilead belongs to us! We should team up our troops, then go and take what's rightfully ours!" Jehoshaphat's all like "Sure man, I'll do it. Just make sure to ask God for guidance before you do anything."
The king of Israel asked 400 prophets if he should do this battle, and they were all like "Sure." Jehoshaphat was still not convinced. He said "Can we talk to another prophet of God? The king of Israel said "Yeah, there is a guy named Micaiah. But I hate him, because he never says good news to me, and he isn't a suck-up." So they sent for Micaiah, and they asked him what they should do.
The king of Israel was like "Tell me the truth, bro." Micaiah says, "Alright. Tell everyone to go home. The battle should not happen. But wait, that's not all. God is bringing you to your doom. You'll find out when you're looking for a place to hide." The king of Israel is infuriated, and says, "Get this dude out of here! Lock him up, and give him bread and water till I come back in one piece." Micaiah's all like, "If you come back in one piece, I'm no prophet of God." Oh snap!
So, before battle, the king of Israel tells his loyal friend Jehoshaphat to switch clothes with him. He's like "I'm going to fool these people by being in disguise while on the battlefield." So, all of Israel and Judah's warriors are ready to battle Aram (the king of Ramoth Gilead)'s army. They saw the king of Israel (who was actually Jehoshaphat), and they were all like, "There he is, kill him!" and then Jehoshaphat revealed it was him, and he ran away. THEN!!!! Someone in Aram's army, without aiming, (WITHOUT AIMING) shot an arrow randomly (RANDOMLY!!!) into the crowd of soldiers and hit the king of Israel in the small opening (SMALL OPENING) in his armor. The king of Israel died.
The guy who randomly shot that arrow without aiming. Wow.
God, you funny troller you :D
The king of Israel is like "Ramoth Gilead belongs to us! We should team up our troops, then go and take what's rightfully ours!" Jehoshaphat's all like "Sure man, I'll do it. Just make sure to ask God for guidance before you do anything."
The king of Israel asked 400 prophets if he should do this battle, and they were all like "Sure." Jehoshaphat was still not convinced. He said "Can we talk to another prophet of God? The king of Israel said "Yeah, there is a guy named Micaiah. But I hate him, because he never says good news to me, and he isn't a suck-up." So they sent for Micaiah, and they asked him what they should do.
The king of Israel was like "Tell me the truth, bro." Micaiah says, "Alright. Tell everyone to go home. The battle should not happen. But wait, that's not all. God is bringing you to your doom. You'll find out when you're looking for a place to hide." The king of Israel is infuriated, and says, "Get this dude out of here! Lock him up, and give him bread and water till I come back in one piece." Micaiah's all like, "If you come back in one piece, I'm no prophet of God." Oh snap!
So, before battle, the king of Israel tells his loyal friend Jehoshaphat to switch clothes with him. He's like "I'm going to fool these people by being in disguise while on the battlefield." So, all of Israel and Judah's warriors are ready to battle Aram (the king of Ramoth Gilead)'s army. They saw the king of Israel (who was actually Jehoshaphat), and they were all like, "There he is, kill him!" and then Jehoshaphat revealed it was him, and he ran away. THEN!!!! Someone in Aram's army, without aiming, (WITHOUT AIMING) shot an arrow randomly (RANDOMLY!!!) into the crowd of soldiers and hit the king of Israel in the small opening (SMALL OPENING) in his armor. The king of Israel died.
The guy who randomly shot that arrow without aiming. Wow.
God, you funny troller you :D
OT Trolls (Part 1)
I think one of the first (funny) trolls in the Bible (Besides Adam and Eve being trolled by Satan) was when Jacob trolled Esau by:
1: Asking Esau to give him the firstborn birthright over some soup.
2: Tricking his father into thinking that he was Esau.
3: Letting his father give him all of the blessing he was supposed to give Esau.
I could just imagine his father's face when he found out it was actually Jacob. Hardcore trolled. All thanks to Jacob's mother, who was the one who told eavesdropped and Jacob to do these things.
*slow clap into a loud applaud*
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