Old Friends, Old Story

Well, as it's 1:10 in the morning, I look back at the life I have had so far. Tonight, I think about my old friends..

When I was a child, I was in first grade when I moved to Pennsylvania. I was so afraid, because I didn't know how I would cope with getting friends. Would people accept me? Would they shun me? I guess you and I will find out.

I went to a little school called Cambria County Christian School. My mom had not a lot of money moving up to Pennsylvania, so the school offered to pay my tuition. My mom was so happy, as was I. Within the first day of going to that school, I made a lot of new friends. Everyone was just so nice to me. Despite everyone who was nice to me, there was a guy who became my best friend. His name is Tyler Berkebile. I'll talk about him later, but let me tell you about me. Whenever I was younger, I was a really silly kid. I did a lot of goofy stuff (I mean, c'mon, I was a kid!). I'm not going to mention the embarrassing things I did, but I was the definition of a wild kid. I think a lot of my friend's parents were afraid to have me over, because I might influence them in some way that might not be best. I see where they would be coming from now haha. Despite all the stuff in my younger days, Tyler still wanted to be friends with me surprisingly. I could tell of some funny times at Tyler's house, and when he was at mine. At the camp I used to go to, we would always write each other's names on the camp pamphlet as for who we would like to be our cabin mate. I always invited him to my birthday parties. Always. But then, something happened.

After my fourth grade year at the school, the tuition wasn't available for me anymore. I then went to a public school instead. I was completely sad and devastated. I already had to go through leaving friends before in Georgia, and I had to do it again.

In the time from 5th grade until 8th, I lost contact with my old friends at the Christian school. I rarely saw them. It's like they all vanished..

One night during the summer after my eighth grade year, my mom got a phone call from the Christian school. They said I could come back! All I would have to do is play basketball, and my tuition would be paid! I was so excited to go back! I came back the first day of my ninth grade year, and people were so shocked to see me (despite the fact the I probably grew over a foot since they last saw me). I remember one of my old friends saying "You're Canaan Hess! You're popular!" And when those words came out, I felt a sense of importance in my life. Like, someone actually cared. I saw my best friend Tyler again. It was so great to see him! There was something different though.

Over the span of three years, a person can gain a lot of new friends, and maybe a few best friends as well. He had a completely new image, as did I. He was into skateboarding with his friends, and I couldn't skateboard worth anything. But you know what? I looked up to Tyler so much, and he was such a big role model in my life, that I got into skateboarding stuff too. I changed my appearance. From my shirts, all the way down to my shoes. I wanted to fit into his group. I wanted to rekindle the friend flame that had been out for three years. Unfortunately, being tall and skateboarding don't really mix. No matter how hard I tried, it just seemed like there was a wedge between me an Tyler. Things just didn't click. We didn't have a lot of the same interests. I'm the one who felt vanished. I never have been to his house since I came back to the Christian school. I hope to sometime soon. It would be really cool! He's a really cool cat. You should check out his YouTube channel!

Now that I'm a senior now, and am looking back at the previous experiences of my life, I lost a lot of friends, and really only have a select few now.. A couple days ago, I was talking to someone about how I want to hang out with my friends during the summer. Then that person said "If you have a lot of friends, name some of your best friends right now at the top of your head". I then laughed, because of how simple it would be.. But then I actually started thinking.. and I could only think of a couple.. I couldn't believe how hard it was to think of an answer to this "simple" question.. I guess with the more you age, the more friends you lose.. Some of it is for the good, and some might just not seem fair.. But I know that Jesus is a friend of mine. I'm not afraid to say it. I believe it in here *points to heart*, here *points to mind*, and here *points to soul*. If I strive to be like Christ, He will put the right people in my life for a reason. I have learned this over the years. I shouldn't be seeking the attention of other people. I have to be me. This is me. All the guts and glory. Even though I miss my good ol' friend Tyler, maybe God put him in my life so I could learn a lesson on friendship, and tell you this story today. This blog post wasn't written to rag on my old friends, and be rude. I just miss them, that's all.

Well, I am getting tired, and I'm waking up in like eight hours to go to a building where people meet every Sunday. :)

Until next time,
Canaan

Life Update!

Wow, wow, wow! Lots have changed since I posted the "My Future?" blog post about a week ago. Let me tell you where I was last week after the blog post. I was unaware of what my future held. I knew WHO held my future, and that is God. I was unsure of what I was going to do. I didn't know what job to get. I didn't know what I wanted to do with school. I also had problems with not having a car. If you read that blog post, then I don't need to go into that much detail. If you haven't read that post, don't bother. It's way too long for one mind to comprehend. I was really bummed after writing that post. I put my true feelings out there though, which was good. The next morning, I checked my Facebook, and was astounded by how much I am cared for by my friends. Thank the Lord for the friends who support and care for me. Now on to the story.

It was March 17, 2012 at 2:29 PM. I was beginning to walk on a trail with some good friends of mine, when I received a phone call from my mom.

Mom: Hello?
Me: Hey, what's up?
Mom: Hey, I called you earlier, around 11 AM.
Me: Sorry mom, I was sleeping at that time (I went to bed around 5 AM that morning.)
Mom: It's okay. So guess what? (She asked this in an excited tone)
Me: I absolutely have no idea what you're excited about.
Mom: David has asked me to marry him!
Me: WHAT?! No way!!
Mom: Yeah! (She said this in an excited tone as well. Like a child telling their friend they are going on a trip to Disney World for the first time) He even got me a pre-engagement present! You'll never guess what he got me!
Me: Yet again, I absolutely have no idea.
Mom: He bought me a Lexus SUV!
Me: NO WAY!!
Mom: Yeah!
Me: Wait, so that means I get Maize?! (Her old clunker car)
Mom: (giggles) Yeah! David's driving up to ask Pappap's (my grandfather) permission to marry me.
Me: Wow.. This is just incredible. (I say as I ruffle my hands through my hair out of utter shock) When's the big day?
Mom: In June!
Me: Woah!!

There was a little more talk, but I was hiking on a trail, so I lost service. You get the jest of it though. I got texts later about when they get married, she is going to move to Virginia where David lives. But wait, there's more! Apparently, my mom won't work anymore after they're married. David is paying off the mortgage of the house my family lives in now, so that I'll always have a place to stay. My sister and her fiancee are getting married in October, so they're going to move out, and it will just be me there! My mom also told me that I'll be paying for car insurance and my cellphone monthly (about $300).

I know that this is a lot to take in. One night, I don't know what on Earth is going to happen with my future. It's so crazy what God can do if you ask Him for guidance. In less than nine hours, God changed a lot in my life. My mom won't be working at the college anymore, so that means I don't get free tuition anymore (sad face). I'm going to get a job as soon as possible. I filled out an application a couple days ago for Kennywood. I'm going to go on Thursday (March 22nd) to give in my application. I hope I get this job. It would be a perfect fit for me! I now have a car as well! So in nine hours time, I got a car, a door closed for a school, and a job opportunity! Man, God is good! I must say though, at first, I wasn't really excited about all this change. I was upset, scared, and afraid of all of this. I thought to myself "There is no way that I can change all of this within this much time.", "I just can't start being an adult like *snap* that", and tears were shed as well, thinking to myself "I can't believe this is all happening so fast." Well, it turns out that I can! And have to. David is going to pay for the monthly bills of the house that my family lives in once my mom marries him. I don't understand why all of this happened quickly, but I'm glad it did.

Apparently, if my mom have never met David, she would have had to find a second job around May. It got to the point where she couldn't afford paying for her three kids anymore, herself, and the house. Thank the Lord David came into our lives. Apparently, David is grateful that we came into his as well. My mom told me of how depressed David has been since his wife died seven years ago. His wife was 12 years older than him! (Which proves that age really isn't a number ;D ) He told my mother that he really didn't want to live on this earth anymore. He said he wouldn't commit suicide, because he didn't want his mother to know that he died that way. A week before my mother started talking to him, he prayed to God "Lord..I'm at the end of my rope..Please provide me with someone who will love me". Little did he know, that God would send him a single, 52 year-old woman in Nanty Glo, Pennsylvania, who graduated at the same high school as him.

Wow. Just seeing how this all works out wants me to praise God even more. It's just incredible! Now, when I heard that my mom wanted to marry him, I was afraid that she was marrying him because he had money. Apparently, she knew from their first date that he was the one, without knowing that he even had money. She told me that David only had one stipulation of their marriage. If him or her were to die, David would want to die first, because he couldn't deal with the pain of losing another wife. That was the only stipulation. No prenuptial agreements, just that stipulation. My mom was in tears when David said this to her. This guy is for real. You know, when my sister Karamie and I had this conversation with my mother, we all cried at one point, because we were all excited overall of her getting married.

My mother has been alone for about 12 years of my life.. I don't know how she got through the days until now. She has been held down by the bondage of loneliness. To finally be married, not having to worry about work anymore, and from working the past 12 years on your own, to never having to have a job again; It's a freeing feeling. The chains of loneliness have been broken. Now, just because my mom won't have a job anymore, doesn't mean that she won't stop cleaning stuff. That's what she apparently loves the most. She said during the summers, she still wants to mow the lawn at the house we live in now (She can't in Virginia, because David hires lawn care people to cut his grass).

And for me, I don't think you need to worry. I'm going to have a home (Three, actually. One is my home, another will be in Virginia, and the third is [if I get the job], I'll have another place to stay). For college, I wouldn't worry about that for now. I'm going to let God take care of that. Well, I'm getting tired! Thank you so much for reading this long blog post, and a special "Thank You" to my friends who have been there for me through the thick and thin. You guys are such a blessing :)

Until next time,
Canaan

Go

So tonight, I just watched the movie Rat Race. I saw the movie when I was younger, and forgot some of the parts, but I remembered the jest of it. A man in charge of this fancy hotel put six golden coins in different slot machines. The six different people who luckily found the gold coins met up in a room. The man in charge of the hotel told them that in this city of New Mexico, there was a building. Inside the building held a locker. Inside the locker was a bag of two million dollars. The first person to get there won it all. It was that simple. He told them the locker number, and gave each of them keys to the locker. He literally explained all of this information in less than two minutes. Immediately after explaining this, he simply said “Go”. They all just sat there in a puzzling state. Then one person asked a question. The man in charge of the hotel answered it, and then said “Go” again. This happened again twice, with different people asking questions. After that, they still sat there. They couldn’t believe that it was that simple. Then, the man in charge of the hotel got frustrated. He pulled out a gun, and shot the ceiling (commonly people do that as a scare tactic). Then they all jumped up and then left.

Why do I feel like we do that in our relationship with Jesus? We are so used to our normal routine; we do the right thing, read the Bible, go to a building where people meet every Sunday, and pray. What if God told you today to go into the mission field? What if God called you into action? What if God told you every little detail in less than two minutes of a great opportunity that He has for you, and said “Go”? Would you sit there like the people in the movie, and ask questions? Or would you get up from wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, and go? Do we have to make God get out the “gun” and “shoot the ceiling” to get our attention?

Now, you might have trouble knowing if it’s God saying “Go” or not. Let me use an analogy. A few years ago, I was hanging out with my sister Karamie. While we were hanging out, my mom was calling her. My sister said “I think it would be funny if you answered it, and talked in a deep voice.” I thought it would be funny, so I said in a deep voice “Hello?” My mom said “Karamie? Is that you? Are you okay? Wait a minute, this isn’t Karamie. This is Canaan! My daughter doesn’t talk that low.” Besides me being like “Well, I hope so!”, my mother knew her voice because she has grown a bond with her, and has conversations with her. If we do spend time in God’s presence frequently, and we have/grow in a relationship with Him, we will be able to know God’s voice. We will know if it’s God’s voice, or a “deep voice” in disguise.

I have had this on my mind the whole time while I watched the movie. Not really worth watching, but boy did it hit me with analogies out the wazoo. If you guys feel led by God to do something, don’t sit there in a puzzling manner and ask questions. Get up and go. It’s that simple. And the prize might not be two million dollars, but it’s definitely worth more if God’s the backer behind us.

Until Next Time,

Canaan

My Future?

Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting at the food court at the nearby mall, waiting for my ride to pick me up. I had about an hour to wait, so I just sat there. I had my headphones on, phone in pocket, and the occasional "look at my watch to check the time, even though I just did LITERALLY 30 seconds ago" move. I used that hour to think about what the next step in my life would be after graduation. I constantly get calls from different colleges, asking me what I want to do. I have conversations with people about what my future is. I just can't say "I don't know", because I then look like I don't know what I want to do with my life. In true honesty, I have not a clue what my future holds. I don't really see myself going to college. I always get told that God has something special in store for me, and that He's going to do great things with me. Why do I feel like college wouldn't help me in that aspect? My mom didn't go to college, and she can provide for three adults (currently) in her household. I don't know how she does it, but she does.

Another issue I have is that, if I don't go to college, I can't get a good job. I don't want to be flipping burgers for the rest of my life (no offense, it's just not me). Another problem is that I need to be able to provide for my family (when someone [I don't know who would] finds me attractive in personality, spirit, my face, etc.). I don't want my life to go down the tubes because I have to go by the qualifications of society. I saw a video once (fictitious) about a couple who fell so in love, but then the woman broke up with the man because the man always had to work 24/7, and he didn't spend enough time with her. I would never want to end up like that. If I get married some day, I would always want to be there for her. I know some of you are thinking "This guy is crazy, who wants to spend time with their wife all the time?" Well, who wouldn't? I know that I'm young, and that I know nothing, but isn't that the point of marriage? To always be there for the other person? I think the reason why I feel this way is because I really didn't grow up having that many guy friends. I always found the female friendships more awesome. Growing up with three girls my whole life has taken a huge toll as well.

As for jobs, I see a lot of jobs out there, but none of them catch my eye. I don't want to work at a food place. No clothing stores, coffee shops, or any jobs that require dressing up for the part intrigue me. I think working at some place like a toy store would be cool; but I think that I'd want to work at a place that I could have my own originality. I would love to work for YouTube, and get paid to make videos. I'm good in the technology department, so I might be good there. I would like to work for Valve, or companies like that, to test games and make sure they run properly, or something. Most importantly, I think my ideal job would just be to worship, and go around and sing. If it was background for an artist, or just myself, I would just be set. God gave me the gift, why not use it? I am so versatile with things, I could do anything if I really put my mind to it, but nothing snags my attention.

At this point in my life, I think of what happened, what could have been, and what will be, and I just can't take all this pressure. I know it sounds like the easiest thing in the world to pick something, but coming from a past where I really have never got to make my own BIG life decisions; It's brutally tough. I do worship Saturday nights at this campground I go to, and I love it so dearly. I don't know if I could juggle work, college, and worship, and I'm not okay with that. I know in my future that I'm going to have to make decisions soon, but if I get a job, and go to college, then I'm just like everybody else. If I was made special, and God has big plans for me, I can't move if I'm strapped down by the straight-jacket of a job and college.

Mixed feelings. That's what I'm having as of now. Some people have planned out my future for me, but what's the point? I would pretty much be living the way they want my life to be, not by the way of my choice. While the thought of you thinking about me, and looking out for me is nice; I just don't know if going by the playbook is right for this type of game. I want to enjoy the life I was given. I want to be there for those who care about me, cherish the moments.. But it seems like you can't do that without money. That's where it all comes back to college and jobs. Here is the way I see it:

College=Money
Car=Money
House=Money
Family= Love, and money
Bills=Money
Job= Money to pay for all of the above.

There HAS to be another way to get around life without money being the #1 thing that Americans need to live their life. Now, I'm not saying that college is bad, or jobs are bad. That wasn't what I'm saying. I'm just saying (overall of what this blog post is about) that I don't find college amusing to me, and a job is going to be really difficult to find, because nothing really gets my attention.

My future is my own,
Canaan

Tattoos and Piercings Are Okay (Really, It's Okay)

About to go to bed. Here's something on my mind that I had a conversation about with a friend of mine a week ago. When people say "Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit", and people (usually your parents) refer it to tattoos and piercings, that's not what it meant in the Bible, and people have taken it out of context.

When it's mentioned in 1 Corinthians, it's referring that there's only one act that's damaging to the temple in the spiritual sense, which is sexuality. Where it's a spiritual act of two people becoming one. It's meaning is "Should prostitution be happening in the temple of God?" And the answer is simply no. It's talking about sexual immorality.  1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says this: " Don't you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in His kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens of God's kingdom".

If you read in chapter 5, it talks about how sex (outside marriage) is wrong. If the Bible was talking about piercings and tattoos as a bad thing, then there would be no eating Big Macs, french fries, or any of that bad junk food stuff. The reason being is because that's damaging our bodies, like tattoos and piercings (just in a different way). I'm not saying to rebel,  don't use this as a fighting tool, and get tattoos and piercings all over, I just wanted to clarify that it's not the definition people have put it as.

I have two piercings, and a tattoo. It seems like people get really judgmental in the congregation about people with tattoos. They don't even ask questions, they might not know anything about you. They just categorize you as a bad person, and put you in that box of people. They don't know what your background is. Maybe the tattoo is of extreme significance to you (death of a family member, Jesus, etc.). You need to come to realize that if you see someone with tattoo's all over their body, and piercings everywhere: Get to know them. You never know. They could be in a rough spot in their life, and they just walked into a church for the first time in years. How would you feel if you were outcast from a building because of the way you looked? I would feel like a leaper. Or even the woman in the Bible who was sick for 12 years. In Luke chapter 8, there was a woman who had a disease for 12 years. Because of the culture they had back then, and the disease she had, she was required to live outside the city walls. They didn't want her "infecting" the other people. That sounds very familiar to people who treat people with tattoos and piercings nowadays. "We don't want them infecting our church" "We don't want them near us. They're different." Really church?

For us as Christians, we shouldn't judge or condemn other people for their past/sin (if they continue to live in their premeditated sin, and profess Christ, that's a different story). Love the sinner, hate the sin? Oh, you betcha. Now, I'm not saying that everybody is this way. A lot of churches and people have accepted these people in, and some people don't even mind the tattoos or piercings. This blog post really goes out to the people who grew up with thinking that piercings and tattoos are bad. It also goes out to the people who are curious about this subject. I don't mean to offend anyone by this post. If you found it offensive in some way; First, I apologize. Second, pray about it, and if you are still feeling like something I said offended you, and you feel led to talk to me about it; By all means, go ahead.